I was born in Dallas, raised in Houston: a southern girl to the core.  “The Rules” was my bible in terms of dating growing up…wait for the boy to call, have him pay, open doors, walk street side.  This is how I communicated in early stages of dating with the opposite sex.  He followed ‘the rules’ so I knew he liked me…I started to trust him…and one thing led to another…and well…ya know.

But now I’m THIRTY and single; and I don’t have TIME for all this ‘rules’ stuff.  Plus I KNOW how to communicate with words.  So, what exactly becomes the process of getting from “I like you” to ...”ya know”?  How to speed up the process?  Do one night stands exist in a day and age of so many health and emotional sexually transmitted risk factors? In “Fear of Flying”, Erica Jong introduces the term “zipless fuck” to mean sexual encounter for its own sake, without emotional involvement or commitment or any ulterior motive, between two previously unacquainted persons.  “The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. And it is rarer than the unicorn.” -Erica Jong, Fear of Flying (1973)

Hmm.  Do we think it exists in Houston?  Can you have a (dare I say it…) a ‘zipless fuck’ in a city this small?  (Technically, Houston is the 4th largest city in the U.S. with a population of 2.2 mil…but with friends of friends and Facebook…I would guess connecting is probably by a margin of less than 2 degrees of separation.)

I asked around if some Houstonians would tell me their thoughts on one-night stands.  Here is what they had to say:

“What the heck? What makes you think a gentleman like myself would know anything about that topic? I think our society has cheapened sex to the point where its "meaning in the moment" has been lost but the negative effects of the one night stand remain. Sex is meant to be a connection, emotional.  You can't get that in one night.” –Male, 42, divorced, single, one daughter

“Sure. I like ‘em. .” –Male, single, 25.
 
“Lol.. no.. I haven't done one night stands in over 10 years.  I don't have a problem with them though if both people understand it.  -Male, committed relationship, 40.

“I’ve never had one.  It’s just not my style.  When they are alcohol induced, it’s just not a good idea.” –Female, committed relationship, 40, 2 daughters.

“It’s all very casual.  As long as it’s mutual, and flows naturally without cooersion or pressure, it's a great experience.  When there’s alcohol involved, it can lead to regret the next day.  It’s a one night stand, not the development of a relationship.  If I want to see her again, I'll call. It depends on how well we connect.”  –Male, single, 34

“Well, if both parties know what they are getting into...they can serve a purpose--scratch an itch.  They can allow one to be completely passionate without worry.  Some people feel it is the only time they can really let loose. (Which is sad.)  Who hasn't met a man who she had absolute chemistry with but no chance of a relationship with and just wondered what one hot night would be like.” -Female, single, 31.

“Yes. I do believe in one night stands. I have two. They are both next to my bed.”  -Female, single, 29.

So, if these ‘ZF’ chance encounters are detached from traditional sexual and gender scripts, then the one night stands can be meaningful….OR they can mean nothing at all.  This ambiguity can call into question the very foundation of beliefs about sex and relationships making this all seem threatening on a social level.  Is the distinction by UNdistinction Taoist in nature….and the shaking of fundamental gender roles the very definition of 4th wave Feminism?  Or is this rumination just a nice girl being distracted by the anxious and seductive essence of raging hormones?

UGH…I think too much.